Second best is all I will know.

...*sigh*.

I'm stuck.

I'm stuck in this place between sleep in awake.

I am fully aware that my body and mine are physically exhausted and I need to go to bed.(Especially since I was nodding off in front of the telly.)

However, I've placed myself in a sort of self-induced insomnia thanks to:

The Internet.

Also due to the fact that I'm obsessively listening to the likes of Vanessa Carlton. She truly does not get the recognition she deserves. And on that note..


I love this song. Correction: I love all of her songs. Methinks it's because I possibly see myself as somewhat of the protagonist in her songs. *shrug*

And I'm in another mood again. I hate the feeling of indifference.

C'est la vie.

I forgot what I was going to blog about.

I wrote a ridiculously long entry on my computer at work and had no way to transfer it(especially since I can't go to any other websites without losing my job). So this leaves me blank.

So here I am sitting in an empty apartment enjoying my broccoli and cheese rice and enjoying a little Fefe Dobson ad nauseum.

I'm loving and hating this silence.

I will say that it gives me ample thinking and cleaning time..both of which is needed. Especially since my emotions having been flying off the shelves.

But now all is well.

Fin.

Would​ you date someo​ne right​ now if they asked​?​​
I can only handle one at a time.

Why did you stop likin​g the last perso​n you liked​?​​
I haven't.

Is there​ a meani​ng behin​d your profi​le song?​​
Of course.

What is the last song to make you cry?
Er..I don't know.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock botto​m?​
Many times.

Do you give out secon​d chanc​es too easil​y?​​
Yes.

Do you like hugs or do you freak​ when peopl​e hug you?
I didn't use to like hugs..but now I do.

Done anyth​ing illeg​al latel​y?​​
No.

What did you do yeste​rday?​​
Work and sat at home.

Where​ did you sleep​ last night​?​
Jon's bed.

Is there​ any emoti​on you'​​re tryin​g to avoid​ right​ now?
I usually try to avoid all emotions. Epic fail.

Who was the last perso​n to text you?
Tyler.

When was the last time you had starb​ucks?​​
Ugh. Awhile ago. I miss the perks of working in the mall.

Do you sleep​ on your stoma​ch?​​
Sometimes. I tend to flip flop.

Are you tickl​ish?​​
Terribly.

Have you ever been given​ roses​?​​
No. :(

Whats​ your curre​nt probl​em?​​
I can't seem to control my emotions lately.

Where​ was your defau​lt pic taken​?​​
...

Angry​ at anyon​e?​​
No.

What shoul​d you be doing​ right​ now?
Nothing.

What is your natur​al hair color​?​​
Black.

Did you have any dream​s last night​?​​
I dreamt a dream that dreamers often lie.

Are you short​?​​
I'm average.

Is there​ someo​ne that you are asham​ed you were frien​ds with way back?​​
No. They were my friend for a reason.

Are you plann​ing on going​ to colle​ge?​​
I plan on going back. 2 semesters off was all I needed. I miss it. :(

Do you have a shirt​ from Aberc​rombi​e?​​
Yes.

Do you have a reaso​n to smile​ right​ now?
Yes.

What do you do when you need to relax​?​​
Listen to music or watch telly.

If you won a lot of money​ on the lotte​ry,​​ what would​ you buy first​?​​
A car that runs well and without a cracked windshield!

Would​ you hones​tly say you'​​d risk your life for someo​ne else?​​
Yes.

Can money​ buy happi​ness?​​
Yes.

Has anyon​e upset​ you in the last week?
Yes. But I got over it.

Last thing you and your ex boyfriend/girlfriend talked about?
About his new job,catching up.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Yep.

Are you in a good mood right now?
I'm indifferent.

What's bothering you right now?
The ability to believe or not believe.

Do you need to say anything to someone?
Immensely.

What did you do today?
So far..just woke up, ate, and jumped onto the computer.

What's something you'd like to have right now?
Assurance.

Are you more hot or cold at the moment?
Warm.

How's your hair today?
Messy as usual.

Do you fall for people easily?
No.

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
Yes.

Do you trust people easily?
No. It's a long process.

How many kids do you want to have?
Ugh. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

When was the last time you cried?
Awhile ago.

Do you like your life?
Mmm..could be better.

Have you ever not been able to get someone off your mind?
Yes. It sucks.

Is it okay if you kiss people when you're single?
Yes.

What is wrong with you right now?
My brain is overactive.

Are your nails painted?
Yes. Black as usual.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
Yes.

Are you too shy to tell people when you're developing feelings for them?
Yes. I usually wait for them to do it..just so I don't look stupid.

Do you dance while getting ready for whatever?
All the time!

Who was the last person you ate with?
Jon, Leah, and her mummy.

Interested in anyone at the moment?
Yes.

What is something that you’re looking forward to?
I don't know..vacation?

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Work.

Have you eaten popcorn in the last 48 hours?
Nope. :( No microwave yet!

Do you have an older brother?
Nope.

What's to the right of you?
The door.

Who's the last person to call you?
Leah.

What did the last message in your inbox say?
LOL I know right.

What's the fourth name in your phonebook?
I don't know.

Are you in a good mood?
I'm indifferent..

What will you do after this?
Clean up.

Who was the last boy you hugged today?
Jon.

Have you ever walked in on people having sex?
No..I have unfortunately had the pleasure of listening to the neighbors above us.

How many TRUE friends do you have that you can tell anything to?
Few.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
I could if I want to.

Is there someone who likes you?
I hope so.

If someone liked you right now would you want them to tell you?
Uh, sure.

Are you wearing socks?
No.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Shanine, Matt, Jon, and their friends at Busch Gardens methinks.

Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?
White button down shirt from Express..rawr.

Are you gonna get high later?
No.

Are you a forgiving person?
I'm too forgiving. Which is why my point does not come across half of the time.

Are you wearing shorts?
No.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
No.I adore her.

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
Yes.

Who do you call when you're having a bad day?
Nobody usually..I'll just ride it out.

Last time you laughed?
Today.

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
Ugh.

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
For the most part..minus the red in it.

Who is in your house right now?
Just me and Jon.

Are you happy right now?
Not really. But you've asked already.

Last thing you drank?
Apple juice.

Well "that boy" has seen this blog.

Purely unintentional on my part, but such things happen when someone else is on your computer and your blog is your start page.

Meh. Whatever.

I suppose he can come and look on here if he wants to know what I'm really thinking about.

*grin*

So I'vefinally moved from under my parents roof.

And it only took 23 years. -.-

I must say that the actual process is both exhilarating and daunting at both the same time. Exhilarating in the sense that I'm enjoying my newfound freedom and daunting in the sense that I'm so overwhelmed with everything that has/still needs to be done.

The packing process took a matter of 7 1/2 hours and I still didn't move everything. I HAVE SO MUCH LITTLE STUFF!! Definitely going to have to throw out some things this weekend during my days off.

I do, however, love seeing the boy everyday now. I must say it definitely saves me both gas and a little bit of sleep every morning. Let's just hope that we don't kill each other..after all, we are stuck with each other for another year.

Let's just hope that the good Lord blesses me on this one.

There's a reason I don't hope for anything. Because the very next day everything seems to go horribly wrong.

I started my new job as a debt collector today. It was my first day on the floor so I naively made the assumption that my supervisors, who are supposed to be there to help me, would help me. I received exactly the opposite.(With the exception of one..she was nice..probably annoyed that I kept asking her newbie questions though..But hey.What can you do.) I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. After the "training" they gave us,(and I use that term loosely since I had 3 different trainers the first 3 days, last week we hardly did anything, and didn't learn the systems until Monday and Tuesday. And they expect me to remember everything they taught me? Big mistake.) I must say that I was reluctant to even go to work today. But I did. And after I started receiving phone calls I somewhat got the hang of it, except I forgot to fill out some forms I was supposed to that were important..eh. I don't know. I came across a customer I was trying to help and paged one of the supervisors for help. Emphasis on the word HELP. I told her my delima and the first thing out of her mouth was " You should know this you just got out of training" at which point I was dumbfounded that my supervisor who OBVIOUSLY knew I was new to the floor gave me such attitude and then she was like "Here. That's what you do" and walked away. After that I was ready to leave and not come back.

I came back from my break and I finally received some payments which turned my frown upside down and went to lunch on a happy note. Came back and of course one of my boxes to plug into the phone was missing so I had to ask the same supervisor from before and asked her if there was another one to which she replied rudely "You didn't look at all these desks around here?". At the point I was ready to tell her off and leave with some sort of dignity. She gave me one,unsure it would work and I went back to my cubicle. Then I got a lady on the phone who never told me it was her and when she finally did she yelled at me and hung up the phone. It was hard to keep my composure after that.

The icing on the cake was a lady on the phone who stated she just got out of a psychiatric hospital and would pay her bills after she got off the phone. She didn't hang up the phone and in the background I could hear her yelling and cursing and basically having a fit like a schizophrenic. At that point I just wanted to leave. And the SAME bitchy supervisors after that starts yelling "YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE 2 PAYMENTS IF YOU'VE BEEN HERE 7 HOURS" and I wanted to throw something at her. I seriously want to shove my size 8 Converse(That I shouldn't have been wearing but was) up her rear end because I have never had a supervisor that wasn't there to help. I am not 17 do not condescend me and talk to me like I'm stupid. If you know I'm new to the floor you should be helping me. -.-

The day didn't get much better. I was a half an hour late to my dance class at which I forgot majority of the choreography. Had to go pick up my brother from my grandmother's house on my break and when I did, I didn't know how to hook his car seat in my truck. I figured something out, dropped him off at home, and went back to dance. On the way I was wondering why my paycheck was horribly wrong and it didn't pay me for a good 2 weeks worth of dance classes plus the 2 hours of NIMS training I was supposed to have. I finally got back to my last dance class in time in order for me not to remember the choreography to that dance either. And to top it all off the ONE person who could have made my night a little better, my boyfriend(yes..we've finally reached that point. I would normally say this makes me happy but at the moment I'm being selfish and saying he can kiss my ass.) , did not answer his phone and hasn't answered my text message. I could have used a little cuddling tonight. But whatever. I'll sleep it off.

So alas. Another day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I won't put any money on it though.

My life has changed so much in the past month. I'm finally moving out of my parents house (hopefully by next week) and started a new job. Quite a jump going from Keyholder to Debt Collector in a matter of two weeks. I already don't like it. But hey, it's going to pay the bills as well as give me some spending money. My sister is going through a lot but I'll hope she'll make the right decision for her and her daughter.(This including NOT listening to her boyfriend. He is an idiot.)

So almost a restart. New job. Rekindled relationship. New apartment. Hopefully things will go my way.

I am a survey addict. I realize this. :D But this keeps me busy and then I don't have to talk about my life. :D

You'​ve had sex withi​n the past 2 weeks​,​ haven​'​t you?
..Maybe. :D

What does your secon​d text say?
I don't remember.

How do you think​ your lates​t ex feels​ about​ you?
We're cool.

Do you think​ they still​ like you?
Don't think so.

Do you like what you see in the mirro​r?​
Some days are better than others.

What are you liste​ning to right​ now?
Dashboard Confessional "Hands Down".

What’​s one word to descr​ibe you?
Complicated.

What are your plans​ for this weeke​nd?​
No clue.

What makes​ you laugh​?​
People.

How'​s your room looki​ng?​
Like the room threw up clothes.

What are you doing​ tomor​row?​
Going to a job interview and doing dance stuff and maybe seeing Jon.

What is your aim scree​n name?​​​
PiratesAndStars.

What are you weari​ng right​ now?
Grey shirt with pink plaid pajama pants. hehe.

What were you most looki​ng forwa​rd to today​?​
Seeing Jon again.

How is your hair?​
In a messy bun. Needs to be redone.

Have you kisse​d anyon​e on the lips withi​n the past 7 hours​?​
Yes.

Have you ever been awake​ for 48 hours​ strai​ght?​
A few times.

Do you stay frien​ds with your ex's?
Does it count if you're dating again?

Do you like your first​ name?​
It's alright. I can name many Jasmine's that are cool.

Do you like to cuddl​e?​
I love cuddling.

What are your inita​ls?​
JQR.

Marri​ed?​
Never!

What's​ your bigge​st fear?​
Being depressed and alone again.

Last perso​n you hugge​d?​
Jon.

How do you feel about​ racis​m?​
It's stupid. You could focus your energy on better pursuits.

Who'​s the sexie​st perso​n alive​?​
David Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Johnny Depp. Rawr.

Who was the last perso​n you talke​d to on MSN or AIM?
I forget. Nobody messages me anymore. :(

Do you like the color​ gray?​
I love the color gray.

Look outside, how's the weath​er?​
Dark and cool. Kinda like it.

Are you jealo​us of anyon​e right​ now?
Gisele Bundchen.

Did you ever think​ someo​ne didn'​t like you, but come to find out they reall​y did?
A few times.

Name somet​hing great​ that happe​ned today​:​
I saw my boo bear.

Who was the last perso​n you were in the car with?​
Jon.

I've been thinking about writing this for about 3 weeks now. I'm done being lazy about it. :D

What is customer service, exactly?

According to dictionary.com customer service is defined as:

assistance and other resources that a company provides to the people who buy or use its products or services.

Now working at a store in the mall is hardly grueling work. I happen to like talking to different people all of the time and getting to know our "regulars"(because we actually do have them) as more than customers but as acquaintances. However, what I DON'T like is when I'm trying to provide you with some customer service, as you will, and having to deal with the customers own hang ups.

I understand that people have their bad and good days. Lord knows I have mine as well. However, I definitely don't expect you to take it out on me and then have you spout off at the mouth and write the company in the guise of poor customer service.

Customer service does not mean:
1. I have to care that you have groceries in your car. If I'm moving too slow removing all the SENSORS and HANGERS off of the merchandise you got, then so be it.

2. I have to babysit your children while you and your boyfriend/husband/what have you go through the store and pick out your items. You should be responsible for your own children. That is NOT in my job description.

3. I have to tolerate your teenage daughters recklessly throwing t-shirts all over the wall and on the floor. And furthermore, you shouldn't allow teenagers to run off by themselves in the mall ANYWAYS. Because I don't want to hear "Little Susie is an A-B Honor Roll student and we shouldn't press charges on her" for stealing nail polish and eyeliner.

4. That on my DAY OFF I even have to be remotely nice to you. I'm courteous when you say hello but excuse me if I'm a tad busy looking at my schedule and you cop and attitude and complain to my co-workers about me having "bad customer service". It's my day off. On your day off I guarantee you're not even as remotely nice as you're supposed to be while you're at work. So kindly, kiss my ass. Or if you'd like, I'll show you "customer service" outside in the mall parking garage.

5. I don't have to listen to you preach to me about going to church and my "convictions". I have my own. Which is why going to church is somewhat a thing of the past because of certain Christians are going around and not telling people about Jesus Christ but judging me because of my place of employment because YOU feel it's very "Un-Christian". Go live in Heaven and Earth if you have such a problem.

And that is all. Now I'm going to go take a nap. :D

Lindsay Lohan wrote a blog today that made the wheels in my brain turn today. This is her supposed "political blog"..

Political Blog
I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else - and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.

I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like Joe Biden.
See below for Barack Obama's thoughts:
From Alexander Marquardt
CNN
MONROE, Michigan (CNN) -- Sen. Barack Obama said firmly that families are off-limits in the campaign for president, reacting to news that GOP running mate Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant.

"Let me be as clear as possible," Obama said. "I think people's families are off-limits, and people's children are especially off-limits. This shouldn't be part of our politics. It has no relevance to Gov. Palin's performance as governor or her potential performance as a vice president."

Obama said reporters should "back off these kinds of stories" and noted that he was born to an 18-year-old mother.

"How a family deals with issues and teenage children, that shouldn't be the topic of our politics, and I hope that anybody who is supporting me understands that's off-limits." »

On another note-the last note- i heard a woman say on TODAY on NBC that teens are feeling as if they have to grow up faster. Really? Because, i think that girls that are CHOOSING to be sexually active and are making a conscious decision to grow up faster..... I think that parents need to recognize how important it is to talk to their children about the things that can result from being sexually active if they aren't protecting themselves (birth control, condoms, etc.)

So-those are my thoughts for the day. Enjoy the music :) xoxo

Now I don't know much about Sarah Palin but what I gather from Lindsay's perspective, girl has somewhat of a point. The only thing I don't agree with is her reasoning on teens "conscious" decision to grow up faster. With the likes of our media pressuring people to become older and making adulthood seem somewhat glamorous with the likes of credit cards, alcohol, and the like. Between 12-18 you're hardly thinking of the repercussions of your actions. You have the invincibility mentality that you could hardly think these things couldn't happen to you.

I don't know. Meh. Serious topic for the day. :D

A friend of mine's sister was featured on BBC's special "First Person" talking about showing her support for Hilary Clinton. I felt it was my duty as a friend to share. :D It's actually pretty good. It reminds me that I need to actually figure out who I'm going to vote for. :/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programme...583199.stm

Was pissing about on myspace when I came across my horoscope for today.

"At this time you will want to branch out; you have the energy to do more and take on more challenges. This is a very good time to begin implementing the plans and promises that you have made to yourself, as any new endeavor is likely to succeed"

And the love horoscope was followed by this:
"Chasing after a fantasy may give you cause to complain, as getting whom you want at the desired where and when just leads to one complication after another. You may have to settle for second best or some sort of compromise, unless you're willing to wait and do without and see if it all comes together later. "

Not sure if I believe it but I don't know. Is God or the universe trying to tell me something? Hmm..

I've been delaying this blog entry for about 5 days and I've finally come to write it. *sigh*
So last Wednesday I met Jon at the beach and we did a little bit of walk. Actually, a lot of walking..damn near 2 miles. We hardly spoke though which always makes me weary since it usually means he has something on his mind. He walked all the way from his house to the beach which is more than 5 miles..so he was really thinking. On our way back we actually had the conversation I was waiting for. Talked about feelings and what not and things that should have been said a LONG time ago. It seems there was a lot of miscommunication on both our parts. When we finally got back to my car we drove around some more and he told me he's trying to move away by Labor Day. And then the bomb was dropped. Phoebe is doing research and they're going to pick a state adjacent to Virginia( since he still has duty once a month) and they're going to move in together. Later followed by, "I love you as well".

Needless to say, I'm not happy about it. But it seems as over the weekend she had felt bad for being with some other guy and drove to VA to apologize. I'm assuming it was after that they decided to move in together. I know on some unfathomable level she thinks this is a wonderful idea even though she has no idea who he is and what really goes on with him..don't think she'd be too pleased if she knew. He, on the other hand, told me he wants to do this to see "if they're meant for each other". Obviously, if you have cheated on someone you supposedly love each time you've dated them you don't love them. Moving in together isn't going to make the situation with them better.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm dreading the fact that of course when I tell people that he's gone I'll hear the "Good! He's [insert snide word here]" and a whole bunch of crap and everyone will probably want to talk to me again. Meh. Over it.

It's been a rather slow week. Pretty much have become socially deprived with the exception of a few people (Danielle, Matt, Jessica, Angela..those who leave my decisions to myself). I've hardly even talked to Jon this past week. I don't think I've done that since..hell we broke up the..2nd time. Ha. But I can't complain..I've used this time wisely to get a few things done and think about my decision past and present ad nauseum.

I got into an arguement with Lisa about the car shenanigans and she basically sided with Shawn. I didn't understand. I don't understand. I don't think it should be an issue to call someone who I've considered to be my best friend for some help when I absolutely needed it. Oh well. I pretty much told her that they were all warped. They're mad at me for even being involved with Jon and yet it seems they want me to rely on him for anything that goes on. Oh well. I told her that when anything happens I won't be calling her or Shawn anymore. Solved that one. It's a sad thing that it has come to that but whatever.

It took me 8 months, but I finally went down to TCC to change my major and apply for graduation. I knew of one class I needed but was in for a surprise only to realize that I am only a mere 9 credits from graduating with my associates. This seems like a good thing only I've been at TCC since Fall 2004 and I can't even finish this semester due to a lack of funds. There is a sense of optimism despite it all. As long as I have it who really cares, eh?

As much as I love Hot Topic, it is time for me to part with it. I've been trying since January since I felt my manager was giving me the shaft. It took only 2 1/2 years of work to move from a sales associate to a "temporary keyholder". It's been about 5 months and I'm about to get my 2 year pin and I realize that at most jobs I would have been management a LONG time ago. It doesn't even pay that well, which is the sad part, and the hours are brutal. I'm trying to move on with my life and I'm not going to get there working a mall job. *sigh* My mum is going to do my resume as soon as I get my contacts together and hopefully get a better paying FULL TIME job. Yes, I'm officially ready to become an adult.

My sister is about ready to pop. She's due in September but already one centimeter dilated. I suppose that's what she gets for yelling abusively at the computer screen at a community for other pregnant girls/women. I missed the baby shower on Saturday due to work but I'm sure that I'll provide my niece with all sorts of stuff during her life. My sisters birthday is also in about 2 weeks..almost 19. I'm not sure she realizes how much she's going to have to sacrifice since she's about to become a mother but she'll get a rude awakening.

And that's life. Shenanigans. <3

So last night right before bed I got upset because of a conversation with my friend Lisa, hence why I'm up at 5:33 AM typing this. It started out as a normal conversation by telling each other what we were up to and such. She asked if I at least got my tire on my car and I replied that between Jon and Danielle the tire was put on. (
BACKSTORY: Sunday when I was at work my tire went flat in 20 minutes of me going into work to open the store and coming back. I firstly called my dad but he was busy so I called my best friend Shawn. He came up there only to look at the tire and become frustrated. Pretty much he was angry that I called him and told me that the only reason he came up to the mall was because he didn't want my dad to be upset at him and that if I want to pay him back that "I should get my dipshit boyfriend to do it". Even after that, I bought him sushi on Tuesday just to say thank you for trying even though I had to call a towing place. On Wednesday, I went to Jon's and the spare on the tire had also gone flat and I called him to come pick me up at Jon's. He just got upset that I called him again. From my conversation with Nicole I was informed that I was ungrateful. I guess buying someone's parking and them dinner as penance is ungrateful.
So then I expressed to her the fact that I was upset at the way he acted towards me and pretty much she backed him up by saying that I should have called Jon and he should have come do it. (I told her that he was watching his siblings, which he was and I knew this from the night before. Apparently that's not a good enough excuse. ) Then she tore into me how much I've changed since I've been with him and everyone's frustrated with me because of the fact that I'm with him. My point was the fact that I'm with someone that my friends don't like non-withstanding that it should have nothing to do with the friendship between me and my friends. I know no matter how much I was upset with a friend because of their poor decisions if they called me and needed me I would drop what I was doing to help them without telling them their boyfriend needs to do it.

I don't think I was being unreasonable in calling someone who is supposed to be my best friend when I needed help a few times. I also don't think I was ungrateful especially when I said thank you, paid for his parking, and bought him sushi. (I was grateful that he even came out there and even though he didn't do anything except put a little air in the tire I still paid him back.) I'm tired of everyone getting on me about Jon..it has nothing to do with our friendship. What goes on between us is between us and I'm tired of practically being punished over it. Have I changed because of him? I don't doubt that. I know I have. And I know that everyone is frustrated and worried about me at the same time. But arguing with me about it does absolutely nothing for me except stress me out. I just want people to stop getting on me about my decisions (even if they do come from a place that wants me to do better) and be there for me despite it all, as I would do for them.

Interesting few weeks I've had. Finished both recitals a few weeks ago only to start the new session last week. This new group doesn't seem too bad which is good. Less whiny kids this session which I absolutely LOVE. I was getting super annoyed. That being said, I can always tell the ones who really want to be there and those whose parents make them come. The classes I've had the last few years were AMAZING. For 4-5 year olds I could throw any type of quick movement and they would grasp it. These days..not so much. It's daunting as a choreographer.

Got to find a place to live soon. Tired of living with my family..I'm way too old for this. Hot Topic, however, does not provide me the salary nor hours that are needed to sustain myself on my own. I'm doing a bad attempt of looking for another job..I'm somewhat unmotivated yet motivated at the same time. Especially since my sister is having her baby in September, I have no desire to be in this tiny 3 bedroom house with another child. (My brother being the other child. He's only 3..adorable as can be..but a bit much.)

Life. Meh.

This week feels like it's been eternity. Recital rehearsal was last night and today and only adds to the stress in my life. I don't understand why parents don't understand the letter I gave to them about a month ago. Please arrive 30 minutes before your scheduled time. This being that sometimes we run early or late depending on what happens. And sure enough, my Creative 1 class had one child show up during the middle of our SECOND run through without her costume. (I had her costume. I knew this. So did the parent. All the more reason to show up early. Just a thought.) I don't get it. You read the paper to see what time your class is rehearsing yes? Why not read the WHOLE thing?! Seriously. It's irritating. The rest of the night went well though. My other classes performed flawlessly which made it somewhat easier. My dance however, tragic. My pointe class is performing "Money" by Pink Floyd and the dance is really good, however, I am a dancing catastrophe. Due to car issues and work, I had not been able to make class like I was supposed to, therefore making my pointe work suffering. This came clearly through in my dancing. I feel ridiculous and am actually thinking about quitting.

Tonight was alright. I was actually on time (30 minutes ahead!) and as soon as I get in Jen announces that we're onstage in 2 dances. Ran to get my shirt and went onstage. That dance I'm always weary about. I feel like a horrible dancer. But for the rest of my dance I kind of just danced and went onstage. The further we went on through the night though, the better I felt. At the end of the night I finally dragged my tired butt to this spot in my room where I have been sitting for the last hour and a half. Tomorrow is the show and hopefully everything will go extremely well. That's all one can do at this point.